Every step I take
Every move I make
Every strange new face
You are there
Every song I write
Every stair I climb
Every cold dark night
You are there
-Sweetbox, “Every Step”
How long has it been? A third of a year?
I still find it hard to believe that this blog is more than a year old already. I even promised myself I’d write faithfully in it. Anyway, no use writing another post about that.
A quick recap of what has gone on so far: This April I finally graduated with a degree in Journalism, went job-hunting by applying at six different companies, had a probationary job at an online gaming company and here I am now working at an online learning institute for Koreans.
Right now I feel so confused and depressed, not in an emo sort of way, mind you. I feel as if I’m lost in the path of life, like I’ve lost my purpose. All my life I had been studying, all I wanted was to get my diploma and be part of society, a.k.a. the real world.
Nobody told me it would this harsh.
When I was still a “struggling” college student, I didn’t know why but I kept going. Even if the lessons were hard and the thesis made me develop the catchphrase, “Hudas na thesis na ‘yan” (lit. “That Judas of a thesis”), an inner voice was telling me to keep going even if I’ve expanded my vocabulary in profanity because of much stress.
That goal was to graduate.
What then after graduation? Of course to get a job. What kind of job? What should I do in that job? What good will it do? Will it keep me fulfilled? Will it grant me my life-long mission?
So far it still hasn’t.
I didn’t end up to be a writer despite my course. I didn’t end going around with a pen and a voice recorder bugging people for information. I didn’t become a journalist.
Maybe, just maybe, God planned this so I could go on, that despite the circumstances, the universe will conspire to help me get to my dream job.
After all…
Disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools that God uses to show us the way.
-Paulo Coelho, Brida
